Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The First Book of Collin. Chapter1

           And it came to pass that I did travel many hours to the land of Guatemala, that I might teach the people to more fully understand the gospel. And also many other gringos did go up with me unto the land of the Central Americans. And we did rejoice much, that we might have the privilege to be in the service of our fellow man. And when we did arrive thither, the leader of the missionaries in the land did address us, that we might more easily make ourselves accustomed to the things which the people did do, and did eat.
            And the first thing he did tell unto us was concerning the juice. And he did say unto us that we mayest freely drink of all of the juice, but of el jugo de muerte, (local juice?) thou mayest not eat. But it is given that you may choose for yourself whether you should drink there of. But remember, in the day thou drinkest thereof, thou shalt surly suffer much affliction in the bathroom, and die.
            And like wise he did say unto us, wherefore, the Latinos find great pleasure in giving of el snagre de Diablo (mega hot sauce?) unto us the gringos, but thou ought to remember in thine heart that he who partaketh of el sangre de Diablo, which is to mean the blood of Satan, shall be harrowed up with much afflictions, and it shall seem as if his very soul doth burn as if in the endless torment of the fire and brimstone.
            Nevertheless, I did partake of el snagre de Diablo, and I did suffer much for want of ice cream, but there was none in the land, save it be immediately after either lunch or dinner. And I sorely afflicted, even with a curse upon my tongue, insomuch that I was brought to a remembrance of the words of the mission president, and I did choose in that day not to partake of el jugo de muerte, for such it was called by my people, the Nortes.
            And my companion and I, having been taught somewhat concerning the Spanish language did go forth, and did cry repentance boldly unto one of these the native people. And we did labor much. Even a hard labor, that we might bring souls unto Jesus Christo and unto baptism.
            And there was one among the people of Guatemala that did hearken unto our words, and did commit to become baptized. And she was called Alejandra. For she did speak even after our own tongue, therefore we did teach her in both our languages, and she did hearken unto the words which we spoke unto her. And thus we did converse with her.
            And we did converse also with those Latinos which were with us in our rooms, that we might come to a more full understanding of the language. And also we did teach unto them many things concerning our own culture and language. And we did teach unto many Latinos how they might utter the phrase "Do you even lift?" and many Latinos did go forth and ask such to those Nortes which were not of our district, and we did rejoice much in this.
             And it came to pass that there were among the Nortes that were not of our district that did curse us because we had done this thing, and also that we had taught unto our brethren, the Latinos, how they might sing the song “Trolololo”, which might be found on YouTube or by asking mine brother Jared. And the Latinos did sing this during all the day, and especially so in the shower, even insomuch that many Nortes did curse us and did speak unto us saying: "What is this thing thou hast done?" for they were sorely afflicted by the few phrases we had taught unto our brethren.
            And thus I make and end of my speakings, and I do desire that I might receive many letters concerning the events of my homeland and of my family, for I have a sore want for the things of my home.
            And I must now go up to the classroom everlasting, that I might spend eternity in a classroom learning all the day long. And it doth bore me much, and I look forward with much want to the day in which I might leave the gates of the CCM and wander upon the city.
            And I do write these things that thou mayest know that it is desirable that men might serve a mission, and much joy can come of it. Amen.

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